If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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