Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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