i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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