Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
