Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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