I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
