Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
