these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
