pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
