He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
