I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
