every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
