im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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