I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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