How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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