people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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