Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
