Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
