47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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