Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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