we're blogging at a bar
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
