I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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