So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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