Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
