If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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