He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
