dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
