Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize