i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
