White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
