i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
