I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize