oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
