Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
