Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
