so explain again why im purple
no
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
