and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
