Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
