I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
