Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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