Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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