whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
