Quick, to the slutcave!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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