Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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