Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
