Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
