Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
