Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
