Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
