someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
