there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
