I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
