stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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