What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
