Dual....:-)
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
