Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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