he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
