So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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