You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
