Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
