Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
