Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize