And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize