i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
