Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
