So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
