Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Swine flu is the new snow day.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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