Your dad touched me again.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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