I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
