Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
