Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Randomize
