don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
