new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I look better un-naked...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize