And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
