update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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