so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She just used a chaser for red wine.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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