margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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