Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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