I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
