whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
