Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
