let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
