Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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