Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he told me I talked like a deaf person
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
