I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize