You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
