I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
