Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
