you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
