It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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