FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Houston, we have a squirter
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
