i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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