I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize