ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
