It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
