fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
