I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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