I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
