Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
