Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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