im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
